


I’m Here For You (Even If You Don’t Want Me)

by Kdragon1209



Series: Keith Needs Hugs [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Artist Keith (Voltron), Big Brother Shiro (Voltron), Birthday Presents, Bullying, Comfort/Angst, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Keith (Voltron) Angst, Keith (Voltron) Has Abandonment Issues, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Orphan Keith (Voltron), POV Keith (Voltron), POV Shiro (Voltron), POV Third Person, Platonic Keith and Shiro, Pre-Kerberos Mission, Protective Shiro (Voltron), Self-Esteem Issues, Socially Awkward Keith (Voltron), Test anxiety, Trust Issues, keith's birthday, mentor Shiro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 22:02:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28695888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kdragon1209/pseuds/Kdragon1209
Summary: “What’s this for?” Keith asked instead. The question gave him time to study Shiro’s expression and body language to try and gauge how he was supposed to react.“For your birthday,” Shiro answered simply.Keith immediately tensed and thrusted the present back into Shiro’s hands. “You—You didn’t have to get me anything,” he said quickly, rushing to get his words in.“Hey, no, I wanted to get you something,” Shiro pointed out. Shiro tried to hand the present back to him, but Keith had already clasped his hands behind his back. Keith kept his gaze on his shoes and refused to look up, waiting for the inevitable scolding that was to come.Or, Shiro is doing his best to get to know Keith, but unfortunately, Keith's walls won't come down as easily as Shiro had hoped.
Relationships: Adam/Shiro (Voltron), Keith & Shiro (Voltron)
Series: Keith Needs Hugs [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2038546
Comments: 32
Kudos: 130





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I really wanted to explore Shiro attempting to gain Keith's trust before Voltron and before the Kerberos mission. It's well known that Keith is very slow to trust and even slower to open up, so obviously Shiro had his work cut out for him. 
> 
> Light mentioning of child abuse, but thought I'd give you all a heads up. 
> 
> And why did coming up with a title take longer than actually writing the thing? I spent like THREE HOURS trying to come up with a title. I may change it later, or if anyone's got any ideas I'm open to suggestions.

_Why is botany so boring?_ Keith wondered to himself, hunched over the material at his desk. He was supposed to be studying for his upcoming test in a few days over the different phyla in the kingdom of plants, but it was just so _boring._ He kept finding himself reading the same three lines over and over and couldn’t make himself commit any of it to memory so he could move on. _And why is botany a required course in a space exploration program anyways?_

A knock sounded at his door and Keith automatically tensed.

“Hey, it’s Shiro, can I come in?” a familiar voice asked.

Keith took a deep breath to calm himself before answering. “Sure.” The door opened and Shiro entered, greeting him with a warm smile.

“How’s studying going?” Shiro inquired.

“Fantastic, I just _love_ botany,” Keith replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

Shiro let out a chuckle and sat down on Keith’s bed on the other side of the small dorm room. “That great huh? Who’s you’re professor again?”

“Wilson,” Keith sighed.

“Aw, come on, she’s not _that_ bad,” Shiro pointed out.

“No, but botany’s just so _boring.”_ Keith placed his palms over his eyes, pressing into them hard enough until he saw spots in his vision.

“What are you guys learning about now?”

“All the different phyla.”

“Hm, sounds fun.”

Keith couldn’t help it as the corners of his mouth pulled up into a grin. “See? Bo _ring.”_

“Oh come on, maybe you just need to approach it differently. Can I see your notes?” Shiro asked. Keith sighed and handed Shiro his notebook. Shiro accepted it and flipped through the pages silently, no doubt trying to refresh his memory over the material. “Oh yeah, I remember this stuff. How ‘bout I quiz you?” Shiro said.

Keith sighed and slouched against the back of his desk chair, flopping one arm over the back. “Fiiiiine.”

“Okay, what are the four phyla of plants?” Shiro asked.

Keith’s brows pinched together as he thought about it. “Angiosperms, gymnosperms…”

“Good, what are the other two?”

“Bryophyta…”

“And…?”

“Um… Pteridophyka?”

“Pteridophyta, but close enough.”

Keith sighed again, mumbling curses under his breath.

“Hey, just wait to you get to zoology and have to learn all the phyla there. At least in botany there’s only four,” Shiro pointed out.

“Yippee,” Keith deadpanned.

“Okay, give me an example of a plant from the gymnosperm phyla,” Shiro said.

“Shit, I always mix these up,” Keith muttered. “Um…pine tree?”

“Is that a conifer?” Shiro asked.

“You’re supposed to know this!” Keith cried.

“Hey! It’s been a while and all you have written is ‘conifers,’” Shiro said defensively.

Keith blew out another breath, making his messy bangs lift up before settling back over his forehead. “Yes, pines are conifers.”

“Okay, now give me an example of bryophyta,” Shiro said.

“Um…moss,” Keith replied and Shiro nodded. That’s how they spent the rest of the evening, with Shiro quizzing him and Keith answering, complaining loudly in between questions. By the time they were done, Keith still wasn’t too sure about the test, but he felt a lot better about it than when he started. 

“Well, it’s getting late, wanna come over for some food?” Shiro asked.

Keith arched an eyebrow. “Isn’t it a little late for supper?” he pointed out.

“Yeah, but it’s never too late for dessert and we just got a new box of cookies. Come on, my treat.” Shiro stood and headed for the door, beckoning Keith to follow.

“Depends, did you bake them?” Keith asked.

“No! And my cooking skills are fine!” Shiro said indignantly. Keith snickered and got up to follow. Even though all students were supposed to be in their dorm rooms by the time the order for lights out came, Shiro had a little bit of leeway, which by extension applied to Keith as well—as long as Shiro was supervising.

“Well, in that case, I suppose a little snack before bed won’t hurt,” Keith said.

“Nope. It’ll give your brain fuel for your test,” Shiro agreed. “But a good night’s rest is just as important.”

Keith gave an exasperated sigh and rolled his eyes. “Whatever you say, Shiro.”

That’s how they spent the next few days, with Shiro quizzing Keith in the evening over the plant phyla. He would always ask how Keith’s day was, how classes were going and whatnot. Keith had to admit it was a little strange, but not uncommon for Shiro (and he might have enjoyed the company just the tiniest bit). There was a couple times that Shiro’s questions got too personal for Keith’s liking. Shiro seemed to sense this and always steered the conversation back to studying. Whenever Keith got bored with botany, Shiro quizzed him over material from different classes.

On the night before the test, Shiro invited Keith over for dinner. Keith was a little hesitant to go, but after some begging from Shiro he agreed.

“Really? Microwave dinners?” Keith exclaimed, arching an eyebrow.

“Yeah, why not?” Shiro said.

“When you invited me over for dinner, I figured it was going to be cooked.”

“Would you rather have me cook something? I would gladly cook for you.”

Keith winced. “No! No no no no no nope, microwave is fine.”

“What? I’m devastated!” Even though he was trying to sound hurt, Shiro couldn’t hide his smile and kept his head down to avoid Keith’s knowing gaze. When the food was ready, Shiro joined Keith on the couch, moving slow on purpose as to not startle Keith. That was another thing about Shiro that Keith had always thought was odd, but not unappreciated.

“So you ready for your test tomorrow?” Shiro asked after a while.

“Yeah, I think so,” Keith answered.

Shiro took a sip of his water and set it back down on the coffee table. “That’s good to hear. Though we could study more if you want.”

“No, I think I’m good. I’ll just look over a few things in the morning before the test.”

“You’re smarter than you give yourself credit for, I know you’ll do great.”

Keith couldn’t help it as his eyes darted over to Shiro. Luckily Shiro didn’t see the perplexed expression that came over Keith’s face before he managed to fix it. _Yet another weird thing Shiro does,_ Keith thought to himself, slightly amused. Keith would certainly take compliments over criticisms, but it was still strange to hear so many of the former and not more of the latter. Keith shrugged and decided not to worry about it too much and to just enjoy the microwave heated bacon. Tomorrow he would take his botany test, and for the first time in a long time, he actually looked forward to it.

Of course, the morning of was a different story. Even though Keith had woke up on time and had a decent breakfast, he was a walking ball of nervous energy. He ran through all the material in his head when he could, but it was like all the studying he did flew out the window and he couldn’t remember anything. Keith used every spare second to go over his notes, his panic slowly coiling around him tighter and tighter until Keith thought he was going to pass out.

Shiro had stopped by one class before Keith’s test to find him freaking out.

“You look…stressed,” Shiro observed.

“Cause I am!” Keith exclaimed. “What if my teacher springs unexpected questions on me? What if I can’t remember anything? What if she uses questions from other units? It was only supposed to be a unit test but she could just as easily put questions on there from past units and I didn’t study that and—”

Shiro laid a hand on Keith’s shoulder. “Whoa, easy there, slow down. While I suppose those all are within the realm of possibility, I highly doubt it’s the case. We went over stuff from past units too, remember?”

Keith nodded. “Yeah, but what if—”

“Just do the best you can. You may complain that botany is boring, but you know the material really well. Remember, patience yields focus.”

Keith took a deep breath to calm himself and nodded. “Okay…yeah, okay. Yeah, you’re right.”

“You’ll do great, have a little faith in yourself.” Shiro smiled as Keith glanced up at him with an eyebrow arched skeptically.

“I think you have a little _too_ much faith in me,” Keith remarked.

“Never enough,” Shiro said, grinning. “I’ve got to get to my next class. Good luck, you can do this.” And with that, Shiro parted, leaving Keith feeling a lot better.

By the time the test rolled around, some of Keith’s nerves had returned, but it wasn’t as bad. This time they were manageable enough that he could shove them to the side, but they rebelled by making his leg bounce uncontrollably. Whenever Keith tried to make his leg stop, the tick would manifest elsewhere, like drumming his fingers or tapping his pencil on the desk. Both of those drew the attention of students around him, and Keith definitely didn’t want the professor to come over, so leg bouncing it was.

_Let’s see…this type of plant has vascularization, leaves, roots, and stems, but individual species may be highly variable in structure, but has flowers, what am I?_ Keith paused and thought for a moment. _That’s got to be Angiosperms, those are the only plants that flower._ Keith circled the correct answer before moving on to the next question. The next one was similar to the previous one, except they reproduced by non-motile gametes. _Definitely Gymnosperms._ Keith moved onto the next questions, and soon he was at the bottom of the page.

_I don’t know why I was worried, I got this,_ Keith thought as he flipped the page. But when he read the first question on the second page, Keith’s heart about stopped.

“ _What is another name for Gymnosperms?”_

Keith read the question again, paused, and read it a third time for good measure. Keith then looked at the answers, but none of them seemed right. _What’s another name? We didn’t_ go _over any other names. We always called it Gymnosperms._ The panic he had been shoving aside suddenly tried to come back full force, threatening to make him nauseous, but he stomped it down before it could take over. _Alright, fine, we’ll just skip that question and come back to it._ Keith circled the number of the question to mark it before moving on to the next one.

_“What is another name for Angiosperms?”_

Keith’s stomach dropped and mostly likely found a new home in his shoes. A sharp headache was starting to form behind his eyes, whether it was from his horribly slouched but tense posture or from the stress of the test, he didn’t know. _Okay, okay, we’re okay, we’ll just skip that question too and move on,_ Keith thought, trying to calm himself. It didn’t work though, because he had to skip the next six questions as well. It ended up that he was only able to answer three questions on the page before he moved onto the next one. The panic that had slowly been fizzling into him suddenly came back full force and seized a hold of him.

_Shit, I don’t know any of these and all that studying was for nothing and I’m going to fail this test and get kicked out of botany—_ botany _for Pete’s sake. Why is this a required course in a space exploration program when there’s no plants in space—unless it’s a possible exoplanet—but we can’t even get to any of those and why are we studying botany?_

 _Will they kick me out if I fail?_ Keith hadn’t meant to think it, but the thought just sprung to mind before he could stop himself and it unleashed a flood of more panicked thoughts. _They’ll kick me out if I fail, won’t they? I’ve already had too many infractions and why did I get into so many fights, but why does everyone seem to target me?_ Keith glanced up and did a quick survey of the other students hunched over their own tests. _Crap, everyone’s ahead of me and I’m going to fail—I knew I was going to fail like I always do it’s only a matter of time before they kick me out and nothing Shiro will say can keep me here because I’ll fail botany and they’ll kick me out and then I’ll have to leave Shiro and—_

Keith thought back to when Shiro was helping him study, which lead him to think about Shiro reassuring him just before class. His words echoed back to Keith now, and if Shiro believed that Keith could do it, Keith would try to believe that he could too.

_Patience yields focus._

Keith took a deep breath, willing his racing heart to slow down. It was okay that he didn’t know everything, but he could use what he _did_ know to hopefully piece the puzzle together. As long as he tried his best, then there would be nothing to worry about. Keith glanced up at the clock on the wall and winced. _Okay, maybe worry a little bit._ And with that, he turned his attention back to his test.

When Keith got done with his test and exited the classroom, he was surprised to see Shiro standing there waiting for him.

“So how’d it go?” he asked.

Keith shrugged. “I managed to answer every question, so we’ll see,” he replied, trying to hide how exhausted he was feeling. He supposed having a mini-panic attack in the middle of class might have contributed to it, but either way he wasn’t going to tell Shiro just how wrung out he was.

“When do you get your grades back?” Shiro inquired.

“I don’t know, probably next week I guess.”

“Well, we’re celebrating either way after class.”

Keith stared at Shiro, trying to fathom what the hell there was to celebrate. It didn’t help that he had just went through an emotional rollercoaster, and all he could do was stare at Shiro, baffled. “What’s there to celebrate? I don’t even have my test back yet.”

“True, but you can rejoice that it’s over. Getting through a test is always something to celebrate. Besides, you look like you kinda need it,” Shiro pointed out.

In all honesty, Keith wasn’t sure how much energy he had left in him. The test had taken a lot out of him and he just wanted to go to his room, but it was hard to say no when Shiro was practically beaming at him. “Okay, just nothing too exciting.”

“Nah, just ice cream.”

“But I’m—”

“I know, I got the special kind.”

Keith glanced away nervously before his eyes darted back to Shiro, studying him. He knew he was looking for a threat where there was none (probably), but he did it out of habit anyways. It was a habit that he wasn’t sure he would ever be able to break, but he always knew it was better safe than sorry. When Keith didn’t detect anything in Shiro’s body language that might indicate harm, he gave in. “Okay,” he said quietly. Keith didn’t think Shiro could get any brighter, but it seemed he was wrong as Shiro practically glowed.

“Alright, see you after class then.” Shiro waved a goodbye and left for his own class. Keith watched him the whole way, his eyes never leaving the gray back of Shiro’s uniform until he couldn’t see him anymore.

_Weird,_ Keith concluded and shook his head. _Just plain weird._

After all of the classes had ended, Keith made his way Shiro’s apartment. It was a little bit of a walk, but nothing Keith couldn’t handle. But when he got to the door, he wasn’t sure if he should knock or not. What if Shiro had changed his mind? Did he really mean it when he said he wanted to celebrate? Keith still thought it was a dumb reason to celebrate, but Shiro had seemed pretty enthusiastic. What if he didn’t want to anymore? Or what if he was busy? What if he was out of ice cream?

Keith snorted, out of ice cream was the least of his concerns. He glanced back at the door and raised his fist, but hesitated. He could still leave and claim he was tired, but that would prompt questions that he didn’t want to answer and possible anger that he didn’t want to face. Keith decided to chance it and knocked.

“Door’s open, come on in,” a voice from inside called. Keith frowned and touched the door pad and the door slid open, revealing Shiro’s boyfriend sitting at the counter, hunched over some papers. Keith racked his brain, trying to remember the man’s name. He was pretty sure his name started with an A, but the rest was slipping. 

The man looked up and gazed at Keith suspiciously, making Keith squirm under the scrutiny. “…I take it Shiro invited you over?” he asked.

Keith nodded. “For ice cream,” he managed.

“Ah, I was wondering what the lactose free ice cream in our fridge was for,” Shiro’s boyfriend remarked. “Come on in, Shiro got caught up in a meeting.”

“I can come back later,” Keith pointed out. The last thing he wanted to do was sit in the room with an unfamiliar person.

“He won’t be long. It’s a long trek between our rooms and the dorms. Go ahead and sit.” He nodded to the couch. Keith gulped and slowly slid into the room, the door sliding shut behind him. He then gingerly sat on the couch, trying to keep his darting eyes off of Shiro’s boyfriend, but he couldn’t help it. It felt like Keith was in trouble again, but he didn’t know what he did wrong. Keith sat ramrod straight, keeping an iron grip on his knees to keep his legs from bouncing. Keith’s eyes kept glancing over at Shiro’s boyfriend, but he had returned his attention to the papers in front of him.

“So how’s school going?” the man asked, not looking up. Thankfully, his back was turned, but Keith didn’t know if that was for better or for worse. Keith cringed, unsure what to do. He had been preparing himself for an evening with Shiro and Shiro only, he didn’t factor in the possibility of Shiro’s boyfriend being there too.

“Okay,” Keith replied, cautious of the small talk. Keith knew he was being judged, and each question was a test he had to pass. He never knew how to navigate small talk, let alone an actual conversation. It always felt like he was doing an elaborate social dance, of which Keith had two left feet.

“That’s good. Anything exciting happen today?”

Keith scrambled for an answer, trying to come up with something that the man would deem at least interesting. “I uh…had a test today.”

“Is that so? In what class?”

“Botany.”

“Botany huh? I always thought botany was kinda boring, but I guess that’s just me. Who’s your teacher?”

“Wilson.”

“Ah, I had her too. What are you guys studying now?”

“Um…we uh—we just got done with a unit—over the phyla.” Dear lord, he was failing horribly. Keith wished he could just sink into the couch, orange fabric melding with the orange of his uniform until he disappeared.

“I see. You’re getting close to some field work then.”

“Field work?” Keith echoed.

“Yep. When you start the unit with all the different biomes and you get to the desert, you’ll get to go out and observe plants in the surrounding area. Course, they’re all cacti or succulents, but it’s better than being cooped up in a classroom.”

“Oh, cool,” Keith mumbled, unsure how to reply to that. The conversation fell silent and Keith was both relieved and worried. Relieved, because it was saving him from further embarrassment. Worried, because he probably failed the small talk test and Shiro’s boyfriend had lost interest. _I should have never came here,_ Keith thought miserably. He spent the entire silence wondering how bad it would be if he just left, all while trying to come up with the man’s name.

A few minutes later, the door opened and Shiro entered. “I hate meetings,” Shiro announced loudly.

“Good to see you too,” Shiro’s boyfriend muttered.

Shiro flashed Keith a grin before going over to his boyfriend. “But they’re just so _boring._ I had no one to distract me Adam,” Shiro whined and threw his arms around the boyfriend’s torso.

_Adam!_ That’s _his name! I can’t believe I forgot that,_ Keith thought. He mentally repeated the name over and over before tucking the information away. Hopefully he wouldn’t forget it again.

“Oh, you poor thing,” Adam deadpanned.

“Aw, come on, have a little sympathy,” Shiro said.

“You’re the one that wanted to start the inclusivity club, now you have to put up with the meetings.”

“I know, but who knew I’d have to go through meeting after meeting just to get clearance to _do_ things.” 

“Well, you’re gonna have to complain to someone else, I’ve got students to tutor all evening.” Shiro reluctantly let go and Adam stood up and gathered his papers.

“Can I get a goodbye kiss?” Shiro wondered.

Adam rolled his eyes, but a smile was tugging at the corner of his lips. “Fine.” Keith had been watching the whole exchange with wide eyes, but he ducked his head at the last second and squirmed uncomfortably on the couch. Sometimes (okay, _all_ of the time) it made Keith uneasy watching them be so affectionate with each other—particularly because of its foreignness.

They kissed and Adam headed toward the door. “Try not to be too hard on them,” Shiro said.

Adam glared at Shiro before shaking his head. “Obviously I’m not too hard on them if they keep coming back.”

“I seem to remember you being particularly hard on me when you offered to tutor me for calculus,” Shiro pointed out.

Adam rolled his eyes and shook his head again, a bemused expression on his face. “Hard to teach when the mentee doesn’t listen.” Shiro’s jaw dropped, but before he could come back with any witty remarks, Adam darted out the door. Shiro chuckled and turned his attention to Keith, who hadn’t moved an inch since he first sat down. He was unsure what to make of the friendly banter he just witnessed and watched Shiro warily.

A concerned look crossed Shiro’s face. “You’ve met Adam before, right?” Shiro asked and Keith nodded. Shiro relaxed and smiled. “Okay, I couldn’t remember if you had or not, but that’s good. How ‘bout some ice cream then?” Keith nodded, but didn’t move from his spot on the couch. Shiro turned to the kitchen and opened the freezer section of the fridge. He then removed two tubs of ice cream, one with chocolate and one with vanilla.

“I forgot to ask what flavor you wanted, so I bought two. Which one do you want?” Shiro said.

Keith shrugged. “Either’s fine.”

“So both then?” he asked and Keith nodded. Shiro paused and studied Keith for a moment, the extra scrutiny making Keith anxious. “How ‘bout you come sit at the counter? Adam will shoot me if we spill ice cream on the couch.”

“Okay.” Keith got up and slowly slid into a high chair at the countertop island. He watched as Shiro searched through drawers for something before he located it. Shiro then pulled out an ice cream scoop and set it down on the counter. Next, he grabbed a couple glass bowls from a cabinet and set them down too. After that, he got to work opening the tubs of containers and then began dishing out ice cream.

“So how were the rest of your classes? Anything interesting happen?” Shiro inquired while he scooped.

“Not really. I um…” Keith searched for another interesting thing to say. “I…was the quickest to climb the rock wall today?”

Shiro brightened at that. “Really? What was your score?”

“Um…about 11 seconds.” Shiro paused to stare at him and Keith fidgeted with the sleeve of his uniform. “What?” Keith asked. 

“Up the 45 foot* wall?” Shiro exclaimed.

“Yeah, why?” Keith asked hesitantly.

“I think you broke the Garrison record,” Shiro explained.

“Oh…cool?”

“Way cool. More cool than a botany test. Guess we got something else to celebrate then huh?”

“Um…I guess.”

“Do you want chocolate syrup on your ice cream?”

“If you got any.”

Shiro nodded over his shoulder. “It’s in the fridge, go ahead and grab it.” Keith got up and made his way over to the fridge. He glanced at Shiro again, not liking the fact that his back would be to Shiro, but Shiro had never given him any indication that he would hurt him, but still…Keith opened the fridge and quickly located the bottle of chocolate syrup. He then closed the door and returned to his seat. Not a moment later, Shiro finished scooping out ice cream and slid the bowl over to Keith. Shiro then put the tubs back in the fridge and dug out two spoons.

“Here you go, spoon for you and spoon for me,” Shiro announced. Keith accepted the spoon and set it down so he could drizzle some chocolate syrup on his ice cream. Once Keith was satisfied that his ice cream was thoroughly covered in chocolate syrup, he closed the cap and handed it back to Shiro. “Wow, like to drown your ice cream do we?” Shiro observed. Keith winced and suddenly wondered if he did something wrong. Shiro must have guessed what he was thinking from his expression and laughed. “Relax, I was just giving you a hard time. Have as much syrup as you want—though take off your uniform jacket first.” Shiro shrugged out of his own and Keith followed suit, hanging it on the back of his high chair. Shiro took a bite of ice cream and gestured to Keith to dig in when he didn't follow.

Keith gave Shiro an uneasy glance before taking a bite of his own syrup-covered ice cream. It was easily some of the best ice cream Keith had ever had and he practically melted from the taste. And the best part was no nasty stomach cramps later on. They ate their ice cream in relative silence, with Shiro occasionally breaking it with random comments or a few questions here and there. As the evening went on, Keith gradually loosened up, his fears of repercussions if he said or did something wrong slowly fading into the background.

At one point, Shiro started telling Keith how when he first introduced Adam to Japanese foods, Adam really wanted to try “authentic Japanese ice cream.” Unbeknownst to Adam, the flavor he had picked was squid ink, and Shiro didn’t tell him until _after_ he finished it all.

“Adam was _so_ mad at me!” Shiro laughed. “Even though he liked it! He said he was betrayed and was going to be mad at me for the rest of the year!”

Keith couldn’t help but chuckle. “Did it last?”

Shiro shook his head and wiped a tear from his eye. “No, it maybe lasted twenty minutes. Of course, the next time I flew back to Japan to visit my grandmother, I picked him up a whole tub of it and brought it back. He was _not_ happy.”

“I think the empty tub afterwards would have indicated otherwise,” Keith remarked.

“Yeah no kidding. It didn’t even take him long to finish it off—oh! I almost forgot, I’ve got something for you.” Shiro then turned and disappeared into another room. 

Keith was instantly back on guard, eyeing Shiro warily as twin surges of suspicion and joy ran through him. Keith stood up just as Shiro returned, holding a small box in his hands. It was wrapped with plain red paper and had a white bow on top, like the ones you usually saw at Christmas. Shiro smiled at Keith as he handed him the box. Keith stared down at the box—no, present—in his hands, unsure what to do. It was a test, Keith was sure of it, but he didn’t know what to do. Should he refuse the present and say that Shiro didn’t have to? Or should he open it and accept whatever Shiro got him? He wouldn’t be surprised if it was paperclips or something like that.

“What’s this for?” Keith asked instead. The question gave him time to study Shiro’s expression and body language to try and gauge how he was supposed to react.

“For your birthday,” Shiro answered simply.

Keith immediately tensed and thrusted the present back into Shiro’s hands. “You—You didn’t have to get me anything,” he said quickly, rushing to get his words in.

“Hey, no, I _wanted_ to get you something,” Shiro pointed out. Shiro tried to hand the present back to him, but Keith had already clasped his hands behind his back. Keith kept his gaze on his shoes and refused to look up, waiting for the inevitable scolding that was to come. Shiro was unbearably quiet, each passing second putting Keith more and more on edge, but the yelling never came.

Instead, Shiro knelt down in front of Keith. “Hey, look at me,” Shiro said softly. Keith swallowed thickly before risking a glance at Shiro. Keith half-expected a furious expression despite how soft Shiro’s voice was, but to his surprised, Shiro’s eyebrows were drawn up in concern. “I know I didn’t have to get you anything, but I still wanted to. Besides, it’s your birthday,” Shiro explained. He grabbed the present again and held it up for Keith. “Here.”

Keith glanced at Shiro again, looking for any sign that he shouldn’t accept it. He couldn’t find any, which only made him more anxious. Keith didn’t detect anything that would lead him to believe he would get in trouble, but he worried that Shiro was just better at hiding it than others. Keith’s eyes darted between Shiro’s face and the present before he reluctantly accepted the box. Shiro smiled and took a step back, giving Keith some room. Keith gave Shiro one last glance-over before he turned his attention to the present. Instead of tearing into the paper like kids usually did, Keith picked at the tape, careful not to rip the paper in case Shiro wanted to reuse it. As he worked at the tape, he half-wondered how Shiro knew it was his birthday—it wasn’t like he told him and Keith himself had forgotten with the botany test occupying the majority of his thoughts—but then he realized it would had to have been in the roster in the Garrison computer system. For some reason that didn’t make Keith feel any better and the whole time he was hyperaware of Shiro’s eyes watching him. Keith’s gaze kept flicking back up to Shiro, searching for any signs that he was in the wrong, but he never found any.

When Keith finally got the wrapping paper off, Shiro held out his hand and Keith gave the paper to him. To Keith’s surprise, Shiro crushed the paper into a little ball and threw it in the trash can. Keith paused before he opened the box, checking Shiro’s expression one last time.

“Go ahead, open it,” Shiro encouraged. Keith didn’t say anything and let his gaze fall down to the plain box in his hands. So far nothing had happened, which allowed some giddy excitement to bubble up within Keith. _It’s probably staples or something like that,_ Keith reminded himself, forcing the excitement down. No need to get excited over nothing. He then remembered last Christmas when Shiro had gotten him his fingerless gloves that he wore all the time. It was the first Christmas that happened after meeting Shiro and getting into the Garrison. Keith had been so shocked that Shiro had even gotten him anything that he didn’t know what to do with himself.

Keith blinked, trying to get his emotions under control before he opened the box. Keith took a deep breath before he peeled the lid off the box and his breath caught in his throat. Keith wasn’t exactly sure what he was expecting, but the last thing he expected to see was a sketchbook. And it wasn’t the cheap kind that you could just buy at any old store, it was a nice, spiral bound sketchbook with the good kind of paper.

“What do you think?” Shiro asked.

“Um, that was uh—very thoughtful of you—thank you—but I don’t think I’ll use it,” Keith stuttered.

“Oh please, I’ve seen the drawings you do on your homework,” Shiro said.

Keith’s hands tightened around the box and he looked away. “Those are just stupid doodles,” Keith mumbled, grimacing.

“I think they’re a little more than just doodles. Those drawings were really good,” Shiro pointed out. “This way, you can draw and keep the doodles off your homework. While the drawing of Iverson with devil horns and a mustache was hilarious, I don’t think others would have the same sentiment.”

Keith winced and fidgeted with the box. “Yeah…probably not.”

“Can I give you a hug?” Shiro asked. Keith thought about it for a moment, but then nodded. Shiro crouched down in front of Keith and opened his arms. By now, Shiro had at least learned to let Keith come to him when it came to physical contact, but Keith was still skittish about it. Keith wrapped his arms around Shiro’s neck, box still in hand, and Shiro carefully returned the hug. Despite Keith’s best efforts, he still managed to practically melt into the hug. He wouldn’t quite call it relief, but Keith felt himself relax a little more than usual.

“Thanks Shiro,” Keith whispered, and for the first time in a long time, he meant it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lied, this is going to end up being three chapters. It was either have one really long chapter, or split them into two, so I went with second option. 
> 
> James is an asshole and you can't change my mind.

When the time came that Keith had to leave, Shiro walked him all the way back to the dorms. Keith spent the entire time in a daze, sketchbook clutched firmly in his hands. By the time Keith had returned to his dorm room and finished his bedtime routine, he was still in a daze. He wondered if he had imagined it, but the sketchbook sitting on his desk said otherwise. Keith laid there on his bed, staring up at the ceiling, still trying to process everything that had happened. No one was nice to him. Period. There was always an ulterior motive or it was out of pity. Keith replayed the events over and over in his head, trying to find something he missed. But no matter what angle he looked from, he couldn’t find anything. Shiro seemed…genuinely nice.

And to say that scared Keith was an understatement.

It was new and unusual, making Keith’s insides twist with unease. God, he just wanted someone to care, _so bad,_ but he wasn’t stupid enough to get his hopes up—not yet anyways. And even though he knew that, he couldn’t stop the warm feelings spreading through his chest.

He knew hoping was dangerous. It was a craving that always lured him into a false beliefs and empty promises. He knew that if he let himself believe that something was finally looking up for him, he was inevitably going to hurt himself more than if he didn’t. Keith ran his thumbs over his knuckles, trying to ease the anxiousness he felt. The nervousness subsided a little, but the more he thought about it, the fiercer the anxiety came back, knotting his stomach up until Keith thought he was going to throw up.

Keith got up and went to his desk, desperate for something to distract him from all the things running through his head. His gaze fell on the sketchbook again, eyeing the brown cover. Keith attempted to take deep breaths as he debated what to do, his hands still fidgeting. He _needed_ something to do—something to occupy himself before his mind took over. Keith eyed the sketchbook again and bit his lip. He knew what he wanted to do, but he shouldn’t use it in case Shiro decided he wanted to return it. But…Shiro had seemed pretty adamant about giving Keith a present. Besides, if push came to shove, he could just tear a page out, and no one would ever know.

With his mind made up, Keith grabbed the sketchbook and set it down in front of him. He then searched for his mechanical pencil, cursing when he couldn’t find it on his messy desk. While it would have been nice if he had gotten a set of drawing pencils, Keith knew not to push his luck.

When he finally found the mechanical pencil, Keith opened the cover and turned to the first page, only for him to stop when he saw something was written inside.

_Keith,_

_You have grown so much since I first met you, even if you don’t see it. But I see it, and I am so proud of you. Never stop pursuing your passions._

_Your friend always,_

_Shiro_

Keith’s breath caught in his throat. He stared at the handwritten message, his brain going a mile a minute as he tried to comprehend the words. He blinked several times and reread the message to make sure he read it right. Keith paused, read it again, paused, and read it a fourth time for good measure. A small smile crossed Keith’s face as he stared at the writing, and with that, he flipped to the next page. Keith went to press the pencil into the paper, but he hesitated, tip hovering over the page. Keith closed his eyes and took a deep breath, and when he opened them, he touched the tip of the pencil to the page, and drew.

Keith took the sketchbook with him everywhere he went. That first night, he ended up taking up four pages, unable to stop the creative flow once it started. He had stayed up well past midnight, but it had been worth it and had substantially calmed his nerves better than any punching could have done. Now, he stole minutes in between classes to work on his drawings or drew in the evening whenever his day was particularly stressful. It helped him relax before he went to bed and Keith found that he wasn’t so wound up in the morning. He didn’t dare work on it at lunch, lest someone see and take it away. That was the last thing he wanted.

And the best part? Shiro hadn’t taken it away from him either. Keith knew it was stupid to think, but he could never be too sure. All Shiro had asked how Keith was liking the sketchbook and if he was using it. He never asked to see any of Keith’s drawings and he never asked Keith to draw him or make something for him. It still made Keith nervous, but it was…nice. 

But of course, then came that one fateful day where the universe decided to screw him over. Again. 

Keith was headed to his next class, books and notebooks in his arms because he didn’t have time to shove them in his bag. He could have opted for digital books, but Keith preferred the hardcopies, even if everyone gave him weird looks when he lugged them back and forth.

It just so happened that Keith had been in a hurry and didn’t notice the person coming around the corner from the opposite direction at the same time he did. They ran smack dab into each other and Keith accidentally dropped all of his stuff. Keith’s gaze flew up and he was about ready to tell the offender off when he realized who it was.

“Watch it, Kogane,” James snapped.

“Watch it, yourself, Griffin,” Keith growled. They exchanged glares before Keith knelt down to pick up his stuff, ignoring the other cadet. He could feel James’s gaze boring into to the top of his head, but he didn’t care.

“What’cha got there?” James asked. To Keith’s horror, when he looked up, he saw that James had plucked his sketchbook out of the mess—the one that Shiro had given him. Keith froze, his eyes focused on the sketchbook. It was bad enough that James had found it, but if he peeked inside and saw Keith’s drawings…Keith didn’t want to think about that. He knew he should move, attempt to get it back or _do_ something, but he remained glued to the floor on his knees, frozen in place. “Hmmm, I wonder what’s inside…” James said smugly as he opened the cover. “Oh, it’s from Shirogane huh? How come you’re so special?”

That was all it took to launch Keith into action. 

“Give that back,” Keith snarled, shooting to his feet. His hands curled into fists and he gritted his teeth, glaring at the other cadet.

“Oh come on, I just want a peek,” James pouted.

Keith took a threatening step towards James. “I said give it back.”

“Or what? You’ll fight me? I would strongly recommend you refrain from that,” James sneered. He then gave a jerk to his head, indicating the other students. Keith hadn’t noticed before, but some other students had gathered to watch, and a couple of James’s accomplices had their phones out and were recording the exchange. Keith gritted his teeth so hard he thought they might crack. James had him backed into a corner and he knew it. If Keith threw the first punch, even if he was provoked, it wouldn’t matter. Even if there was blatant evidence showing that James was clearly the aggravator, they’d either edit that footage out, or the faculty wouldn’t care.

Keith reluctantly swallowed the rage that was boiling inside of him and uncurled his fists. He was pretty sure if it weren’t for the fingerless gloves he wore, his nails would have cut his palms open. “Fine,” Keith snapped. “Keep it. I hope you choke on it.” He knelt back down and gathered the rest of the books and papers that had spilled from his hands. After he had everything picked up, he gave one last glare at James as he stalked past him, wishing he could knock the other cadet down with the force of his eyeballs. James gave him a parting smirk before going over to his accomplices.

Thankfully, the other students had mostly dispersed when it was clear there wasn’t going to be a fight. Keith knew he had another class coming up, but instead he headed for his dorm room, burning the whole way with anger and shame. When he finally made it to his room, he opened up the door and unceremoniously threw his stuff to the ground, slamming the door in the process. The whole way back, Keith knew he was going to end up punching something and contemplated the concrete wall of his room, but now that he was inside and safely hidden away from prying eyes, all of the anger drained out of him, quickly replaced by despair. Keith plopped down on his bed and buried his face into his pillow.

God, why was it always him? Why did this always happen? Everywhere Keith went, the story was the same, whether it was a different house or different school, there was always someone (or several someones) there to make his life miserable. Why had the universe decided he would be its personal punching bag? What had he ever done wrong?

_Everything, apparently,_ Keith thought, answering his own question. Once again, Keith was reminded that he wasn’t supposed to have nice things. That he shouldn’t hope for anything more, because what little he already had could still be taken away from him. He contemplated telling Shiro what happened, but paralyzing fear shot through him at the idea, making him sick to his stomach. If he told Shiro, then Shiro would get mad at him for letting James take the sketchbook and Shiro would never give Keith anything ever again and would realize that Keith wasn’t even worth the effort in the first place and then he’d leave and—

Keith dug his nails into his scalp, trying to get the thoughts to stop before they truly started. It was painful, but grounding, and he was able to slowly drag himself back to the present. He realized with a start that he had started crying and furiously wiped the tears away. Keith sat up and dug his fingers into the bedsheet, twisting the fabric in his hands. He took deep heavy breaths, attempting to calm himself enough that he could wrangle his emotions back under control and stuff them back in their bottles where they belonged. While he was at it, he shoved the hope that had begun to blossom inside of him into its own imaginary bottle as well, wondering why the hell he ever thought it was a good idea to let it out. Perhaps he got some sort of sick humor out of kidding himself, Keith didn’t know, but he never planned to find out. 

It took him several minutes of deep breathing, but Keith finally managed to calm down. He glanced at the clock that sat on the shelf above his bed and saw that he still had three minutes to get to his next class. He seriously thought about not going, but he didn’t know what repercussions would result and didn’t want to chance it. He supposed he could fib and say that he wasn’t feeling well, but then he’d get sent to the nurse and Shiro would most definitely be notified. Keith bit his lip, trying to decide what to do. _Failing a botany test is one thing, skipping class is another,_ Keith thought. That was the final reason that convinced him to pull himself together. Keith took one last deep breath, steeling himself over in preparation to deal with other people.

_Fine,_ Keith thought as he grabbed his notes for his next class. _I’ll just get the damn sketchbook back myself._

The rest of the day, Keith kept a sharp lookout for Griffin, saving all of his particularly nasty glares for the other cadet. Keith knew he should be focusing on his lectures, but when he was this worked up, there was no point in trying. Instead, Keith brainstormed the best way to get his sketchbook back. His plan was to watch for an opportunity to corner James alone, or at least with two other people minimum, and demand for him to return Keith’s sketchbook.

Unfortunately, the only classes that they had together were simulator training and chemistry. Chemistry was only on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so that nixed that plan since today was Wednesday. And of course, simulator training had been cancelled because the simulator broke and needed fixing, leaving Keith to figure out a new plan. Every other time Keith spotted James in the hallway, he was always surrounded by half a dozen or so students. Keith also noticed that James always hovered within the line of sight of a security camera or a faculty member. There was just no good time to approach James.

_Guess I’m just gonna have to go for it and hope I get lucky,_ Keith thought to himself. Keith knew he didn’t have a single ounce of luck in his body and was relying on the off-chance that James would be in a decent mood, but it was something he was going to have to risk, one way or another. Once Keith had his mind made up, he just had to work up enough nerve to approach James and his band of cronies that followed him everywhere.

 _Tonight,_ Keith thought. _I’ll pin him down when he’s leaving for dinner._

Turns out Keith didn’t have to wait very long. About an hour and a half before the cafeteria opened up for dinner, James approached Keith on his own, three other students trailing behind him. Keith was caught off guard and bristled at their approach.

“What do you want?” Keith growled.

“Just checking up on the Garrison’s star pupil. It’s a shame that the simulator broke, I’m sure you’re heartbroken,” James sneered.

Keith’s eyes flicked dangerously up to James’s face, but before he had a chance to retort, James was shoving something into his hands.

“Oh, and here’s your dumb sketchbook back, though I got a little bored, hope you don’t mind,” James said. He shoved the book up against Keith’s chest with another infuriating smirk. Keith reluctantly tore his gaze from James and glanced down at his sketchbook, only for his blood to boil. The cover had been shredded and warped from what Keith hoped was only water. Pages were falling out and the spiral was badly misshapen. If that was what the outside looked like, Keith didn’t want to know what the inside looked like—where…where his drawings were and—

To Keith’s alarm, he felt the telltale prick of his eyes, promising tears. Griffin was all but forgotten as Keith took off running, darting around other people in the hallway and shoving them aside to avoid running them over. Somewhere he thought he heard someone shout his name, but he just kept running and running and running, sketchbook clutched firmly in one hand and tears burning his eyes. And he ran, to the one place where no one would look for him: the roof.

Normally you would need special access to the rooftop, but Keith had always been skilled at climbing, and the side of the building was no different. When Keith got to the top, he paused to catch his breath and glanced at the sketchbook again. He seriously considered looking inside, but he didn’t need to look to know that all of his drawings were already ruined. Keith chucked it away from him with a grunt and watched it skid across the rooftop. He then wordlessly migrated over to the industrial ventilation cap and sat down in front of it, sitting purposely on the west side so the cap would block him from view of the security cameras.

Keith drew his knees up to his chest and hugged them, burying his face into his legs. Now that he was alone, the tears came back full force, racing down his cheeks and making his nose start to run. Even though Keith hated crying, he didn’t fight it this time. What was the point anyway? The tears were going to come sooner or later, he might as well get it done and over with where no one would ridicule him for it.

After a while, Keith managed to calm down enough that his crying was reduced to sniffles, but it left him feeling numb and with a horrible headache. Keith thought about trying to climb back down, but he really didn’t see any benefit to it other than making his headache worse. He didn’t know what time it was or how long he had been crying. It could have been ten minutes or two hours for all he knew, but judging from the angle of the shadows it hadn’t been too long.

_I wonder if anyone will even come looking for me,_ Keith wondered dejectedly. Keith snorted at the thought. _Probably not. No one’s going to alert Shiro that his mistake is missing and Shiro doesn’t have a reason to look. He’ll probably be relieved that I’m gone, finally free from his wasted project._ Keith’s own thoughts stung, but it was easily swallowed by the overwhelming numbness that pervaded throughout him. _I don’t know why I’m surprised. It’s the same every time,_ he thought glumly.

Keith remained on the roof for the rest of the afternoon and into evening. He passed the time by idly watching as the shadows grew longer, reaching further and further over the landscape and bathing the rocks in darkness. His eyes traced the shapes and outlines of the rocks over and over while he thought about everything and nothing.

At some point his stomach reminded him that he had skipped lunch and that he should really eat dinner, but he wasn’t hungry, not really anyway. His hunger was nothing compared to the overwhelming hopelessness that now gnawed away at his chest. _Why did I ever think I would fit in here? That I would belong anywhere? Sure, I can pilot better than anyone else, but…one good trait isn’t enough to make up for everything else that’s wrong with me. I keep wanting to prove everyone wrong—that I could actually amount to something—but who am I kidding? I don’t why Shiro keeps wasting his time on me. Every time he sticks his neck out for me it puts a dent in his reputation._ Keith glanced over to the sketchbook he had thrown across the roof. _And his wallet too, apparently._ Keith ran his fingers over the gloves that Shiro had gotten him, feeling the leathery texture. His eyes flicked up to the desert horizon beyond, his eyes instinctively going over the shapes and shadows again, memorizing them for later.

_I should have just left when I could._

It was an awful thing to think, Keith knew, but with everything that has happened now, it was true. When he first joined the Garrison, it had been rough, but it was _way_ better than the home. After Keith had figured out that he could escape that horrible place if he stayed here, it had been a no-brainer. But now…maybe it would have been better if he had just gave up and left. It would have been easier then, because now that he had had a taste of something better, he didn’t want to give it up. And despite how much Keith still didn’t trust Shiro, he had become attached to the man. Giving that up would be the hardest.

_It was going to happen sooner or later anyways, and yet I’m still surprised._

 _But I don’t_ want _to leave,_ another part of him stubbornly thought.

Keith snorted. _As soon as I decide I want something, someone decides to take it away. Go figure._ Keith unconsciously felt for the knife that he kept hidden in his uniform. He checked his surroundings again to make sure he was truly alone before he pulled the knife out. Keith turned the knife over in his hands, scruntizing every inch of the weapon, as if it held all of the answers. It was a strange knife, and he knew it. He had never seen anything like it in any of the stores, or like on TV or whenever he searched the Internet (that had cost him a foster home when they found him looking at knives). He knew—he just _knew—_ that this knife had to be connected to his past _somehow,_ but of course no matter how much he stared at it, he never received an answer.

The setting sun was angled just right that Keith could see his reflection in the blade, but as usual, he wasn’t sure who exactly was staring back at him. Labels from past people easily sprung to his mind.

_Troublemaker._

_Brat._

_Hothead._

_Delinquent._

Keith shook his head, trying to stop himself before he really started again. He really needed to leave before the security guards started doing the evening rounds. Getting caught by them once was bad enough, but twice would surely get him expelled (and he wasn’t quite ready for that, even if he had accepted that that was his fate).

Keith collected himself and tucked the knife away before he stood up. His eyes wandered over to the ruined sketchbook, and as much as Keith wanted to leave it there, it was still evidence that he had been here. Keith sighed and went over to the sketchbook. It was just as awful as he remembered and Keith gingerly picked up. He didn’t look inside—not yet anyways—he didn’t think he’d be ready for that anytime soon. He then trekked over to the edge of the roof and scanned the area for any guards. When Keith deemed the coast was clear, he quickly climbed down to the ground, moving just as quickly as when he made the climb up.

_Now to sneak back to the dorms,_ Keith thought once his feet hit the ground. 

When Keith was safely behind the door of his dorm room and truly alone, he decided to look inside the sketchbook. Keith eyed the door and angled the back of the chair underneath the handle in case anyone tried to get in. He knew it was stupid, only he, Shiro, and the dorm supervisor had access to his room, but he still felt the tiniest bit better. Keith at least had had the half sense to shower and change into his pjs before he decided to barricade himself in his room, all the while gearing up for another inevitable round of crying.

When Keith was finally ready, he sat down on his bed and leaned his back up against the wall. He drew his knees up and rested the tattered sketchbook on them. He stared down at the sketchbook, filled with trepidation. _Just do it, like ripping off a Band-aid,_ Keith thought. And with a deep breath, he gingerly opened the cover.

Keith’s breath immediately caught in his throat. Shiro’s hand written note had been scribbled out, and now a new note was there, written in large menacing jagged letters. Keith knew for the sake of his sanity he shouldn’t read it, but he couldn't stop his eyes from reading the words.

_You may have fooled some people here, but I know what you are. You will always be a horrible little troublemaker that no one wants. I hope you get kicked out, that would be more mercy than you deserve._

Keith stared down at the note—no, threat—his eyes glancing over the words again, but nothing was really registering. No amount of bruises or broken bones could amount to the anguish he felt now. His heart felt like it had been plunged into icy water, the frigidness slowly spreading out from his chest to encompass his whole body. Keith knew James was just doing this to get under his skin and provoke a reaction, but knowing didn’t make him feel any better. Knowing didn’t make the hurt he felt go away.

And the worst part was, he could easily believe this note over Shiro’s.

Keith couldn’t stop his hands from shaking as he forced himself to turn the page. Just as he feared, the drawings were completely ruined, with sharpie scribbled all over them and something liquid that had caused it to run. Brown stains warped the page, obscuring the drawings. An experimental sniff revealed the stains smelled like coffee. To Keith’s growing horror, James didn’t stop with Keith’s drawings. No, he ruined the whole sketchbook, making sure not a single scrap of paper could work to draw on.

Tears sprung from Keith’s eyes and he chucked the sketchbook across the room where it landed on his desk. Some papers fell out and lazily floated to the floor. Keith sat there in despair as he hugged his knees, burying his face in his arms to hide. He tried his damn hardest to keep the sobs as quiet as possible, which mostly resulted in him holding his breath until he had to breathe, taking a few quick stuttered breaths, and holding it again. He knew there was very little chance someone was going to catch him crying and punish him, but if years of foster homes had taught him anything, it was that he was better safe than sorry.

And for the first time in a long time, Keith didn’t sleep a wink that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the agony of having a sketchbook ruined (although I had it happen on accident and it was my own fault 😩). And poor Shiro, he's really got his work really cut out for him now, and he has no clue yet.
> 
> And who the hell wanted snow? We've got six inches on the ground where I live and it's not stopping 😭


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I'm back and taking a break from homework to post this! Shiro's POV this time (mostly). Time to find out what's going on, and maybe some much needed healing for Keith. 
> 
> This chapter's been mostly proof-read, but there may be some typos here and there.
> 
> *Updated 2/28/21. XxUrsala_Slytherclaw mentioned that there needed to be a scene where Shiro looked through the sketchbook, and I agreed, so here we are.

“Hey, my schedule’s kinda busy Friday, but I think we can squeeze in an outing with the hover bikes if you’re still interested,” Shiro announced. He sat down across from Keith at the cafeteria table, noting that Keith was sitting by himself.

Again.

Keith glanced up at Shiro and gave a noncommittal shrug before his gaze returned to his lunch in front of him. “So you still interested?” Shiro asked. He did his best to keep his tone light and upbeat so Keith couldn’t read into it.

“If you’re busy, you’re busy, it’s no big deal,” Keith mumbled.

“But if you want to go, I’ll make time for it,” Shiro pointed out.

“It’s okay, don’t worry about it.”

Shiro studied Keith for a moment. Keith wasn’t one for eye contact, but he was avoiding Shiro’s gaze more than usual. He was hunched over his food with his shoulders tensed, but that wasn’t uncommon. Shiro couldn’t quite tell, but he could feel it in his gut that something was off. “Is something wrong?” Shiro questioned.

“No,” Keith answered, keeping his gaze on his lunch.

Shiro knew Keith was definitely lying, and as much as he wanted to push Keith to tell him the truth, Shiro knew it would only do more harm than good. Shiro had learned all too quickly that pushing put Keith on the defensive, building even more walls between them than there already were.

So it was either try and dig up information on anything that happened, or wait for Keith to tell him. Somehow Shiro had the suspicion that if Keith had his way, he would never tell Shiro anything. Shiro racked his brain, trying to recall if Keith had gotten into any fights recently. No, that wasn’t it. If Keith had gotten into a fight, Shiro was sure to get an earful from Commander Iverson. Shiro hadn’t caught wind of any incidences with any other faculty members, nor had he heard of Keith stealing anything.

Shiro decided to chance it and asked. “You sure nothing’s wrong?”

“I gotta get to class,” Keith announced and stood up.

“Oh…Alright then, see you Friday,” Shiro said. Keith didn’t reply and left. Shiro watched him walk over to a trash and dump the rest of his lunch in it before exiting the cafeteria.

Shiro took a deep breath and closed his eyes, sighing. His hand found his forehead and he began rubbing it. Something was definitely up, and Keith had shut him out again. It wasn’t uncommon for Keith to periodically push Shiro away—something that was more out of fear than anything. It was something that Keith had never told Shiro outright, but Shiro had been able to put enough pieces together and figure it out himself. It was frustrating, to say the least, that whenever Shiro thought they were finally getting somewhere, Keith would all of the sudden put all of his walls back up and they’d be back to square one. 

“Wow, was covering for Professor Sanchez that bad?” a familiar voice asked. Shiro looked up and was surprised to see Adam standing there with a tray of food.

Shiro couldn’t help but chuckle. “Differential equations is its own circle of hell.”

“Hm, I remember liking that class when I took it,” Adam exclaimed. He then sat down in the same spot Keith had occupied not too long ago.

“Only because you’re a lunatic,” Shiro pointed out. “Aren’t you supposed to be lecturing right now?”

“Nah, Professor Nelson sprung a pop quiz on the kids.”

“Again? Thank god I never had any of his classes.”

Adam opened up his salad container and sprinkled a little bit of salt over the salad. He then ripped open a dressing packet and drizzled a tiny amount over the lettuce before taking a bite. “So, what’s got you down then?” he asked.

Shiro sighed again. “It’s Keith.”

“Did he get into a fight again?” Adam demanded.

“No—or at least I don’t think so—I thought we were finally making progress, but he shut me out again,” Shiro explained.

“I know he’s an amazing pilot Takashi, but in all honesty, I don’t know why you stick your neck out for him all the time. You got him into the Garrison when the odds were against him, but now it’s up to him to decide what he wants to make of that opportunity,” Adam admitted.

“I know,” Shiro muttered.

“That’s been your policy with all the other students you’ve recruited.”

“I know.”

“Then what makes him different?”

Shiro gave another deep sigh. He looked up at Adam’s bright brown eyes before his gaze fell down to his hands. “I guess…I see a lot of me in him,” Shiro admitted.

Adam lifted an eyebrow skeptically. “Well, he does have your stubbornness.”

“Hey!”

“I’m just saying.”

“Okay, you got me there, but seriously.”

“Even if he was a miniature copy of you, you still wouldn’t be looking out for him this much. What gives?”

“Why does this matter so much?” Shiro questioned.

Adam smirked. “Because I need to know if he’s going to get my boyfriend kicked out too.”

“I highly doubt that’ll happen.”

“So then why?”

Shiro gave another sigh. “I guess…I don’t know, it’s…complicated.”

Adam glared up at him over the rim of his glasses. “You looked through his file didn’t you?”

“Well, I kinda had to so I knew what I was dealing with, and he’s—”

“Takashi, you can’t go around adopting every stray you find,” Adam pointed out.

“I know, but he’s…he’s different,” Shiro argued.

“How?”

“He’s had a lot of shit dealt his way and he’s only 14. And yeah, he’s an _amazing_ pilot, especially since he’s so young. But, I guess the best thing is getting to know him. He’s a pretty neat kid if you can get past the steely exterior.”

“You’re attached.”

“Okay, fine, I’m attached. Sue me. But I’m serious, Adam. I just wish he’d open up more to me. I know it’s an investment and it’s going to take time before we see any results, but still…”

Adam was quiet for a moment before he decided to speak. “I believe you, and I support you in your decision, just…be careful, okay? You have a habit of not always thinking everything through.”

Shiro couldn’t help but smile. “Thanks. I know this is putting extra stress on you, but thank you for supporting me, it means a lot. And just wait, Keith’ll grow on you too, you’ll see.”

“Alright, whatever you say Takashi,” Adam muttered. He rolled his eyes and shook his head, but Shiro saw the ghost of a smile appear on his lips. 

Shiro kept a sharp eye out for Keith the rest of the day, observing his behavior every chance Shiro got. He tried interacting with Keith again some more, but after two more tries with similar results, Shiro got the message and backed off. Shiro eventually decided that it was best to give Keith some space and hoped that maybe Keith would come to Shiro on his own accord. But Keith had withdrawn again, badly, leaving Shiro to wonder what was going on.

Of course, when Shiro talked to Keith’s instructors, none of them had noticed anything out of the ordinary. Keith was already quiet to begin with, and many of the teachers didn’t care as long as he wasn’t disruptive and got his work done. Shiro was at least pleased to hear that Keith had done well on his most recent botany test. He scored a 98 on the exam and had the highest grade in the class. Shiro couldn’t help but chuckle at that, because for as worried as Keith got about tests, he was pretty damn smart.

Unfortunately, Shiro didn’t turn anything up that would warrant Keith’s concerning behavior. No fights had been reported, no acting out in class, no detentions assigned, nothing. Which needless to say, left Shiro scratching his head. He only hoped that he could find out what was wrong when they went to ride hoverbikes again this Friday.

It turns out Shiro didn’t get a chance to ask. He was in the middle of helping instruct a group of cadets at the simulator when he noticed Commander Iverson standing off to the side. The commander had his hands clasped behind his back and a tense set to his jaw. His face betrayed no emotion, but even from across the room Shiro could see the anger in his gaze.

“Excuse me for a second,” Shiro said to the instructor. The professor nodded and Shiro strode over to Commander Iverson. Shiro was wondering what had the commander so irked, but then it dawned on him and his heart dropped.

No.

“I’m assuming by the look on your face you already know what this is about,” Iverson began.

Shiro closed his eyes and took a deep breath to calm himself. He pursed his lips and nodded. “Did Keith get into trouble again?”

“Come to my office.” Shiro took another deep breath and reluctantly followed the commander to his office. No matter what way Shiro looked at it, this wasn’t going to be a pleasant conversation.

When they made it to Iverson’s office, Shiro shut the door behind them as the commander took a seat at his desk. Shiro sat down in one of the chairs across the desk.

“Cadet Kogane was involved in an altercation with few cadets today—three to be exact.” Commander Iverson paused and stared at Shiro. “I thought we were done with this.”

Shiro frowned as he remembered Keith’s recent unusual behavior. “So did I.”

Iverson’s frowned lessened as he regarded Shiro. “Do you know something?”

“No, but I noticed he had been acting strange recently.”

“Strange how?”

“I’m not sure. It’s…difficult to describe. I’ve been around him for quite a while now, and it took him some time to settle into the Garrison, but once he did he was doing much better.”

“I did notice that once you stepped in and became a stable figure to him, the fights dropped dramatically. Sure, he still gets into trouble here and there, but that’s mostly for working ahead or mouthing off,” Iverson noted.

Shiro nodded. “Yes, and he began to open up more too. But recently it’s like he’s reverted back to when he first enrolled.” Shiro put a hand to his chin in thought.

_The weird thing is that this is so unlike Keith. Sure, he’s pulled back before, but I thought he was doing much better,_ Shiro thought to himself. _So I guess the question is what brought this on?_ Shiro’s frown deepened when something occurred to him. _Something must have happened, that’s the only explanation for this. But…_

_Was it something_ I _did?_

_Or was it another student? Or perhaps another faculty member?_

“Commander Iverson, if I may sir, I would like hold off on any punishments for now,” Shiro said suddenly.

“On what grounds? You _do_ realize he could be facing expulsion,” Iverson pointed out.

“I know, but I would like to question Keith personally. I don’t know why, but I think something has happened that set him off.”

“If something happened then he should have reported it.”

Shiro couldn’t help the glare that he threw at the commander. “You know as well as I do he doesn’t trust authority.”

The commander shifted at this and was quiet as he thought it over. “Yes, I am well aware of that. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to understand why. He’s a bright kid and has a lot of potential, I don’t understand why he would want to throw that all away.” Shiro remained silent as the commander thought it over some more. Finally he sighed and gave in. “Alright Shirogane, I’ll let you…investigate this incident and see if you turn anything up.”

“Thank you commander, though I will need the report.”

“Say no more.”

Shiro flipped through the report while the next set of students ran drills on the simulators, his frustration growing more and more. All of the cadets had been sent to the nurse and sustained injuries, but only Keith and a cadet named James Griffin had more serious ones. Shiro frowned as he recognized the name. He recalled the first fight Keith had gotten into was with Griffin. Keith and James had also went to the same middle school, meaning they already had a history together.

Shiro pursed his lips and stared at the pages of the incident report, hoping they would reveal something he wasn’t seeing. Hoping that some hidden clue was waiting to be discovered. But no matter how many times he skimmed over the words, nothing stood out to him. Shiro ran a hand down his face in exhaustion and groaned. _Well, there’s no point in beating around the bush with this. Time to get to the bottom of this._

After the simulator drills were done, Shiro headed to Keith’s class. He hoped to catch him before his next class. But when Shiro got there, the class had already let out and Keith was nowhere to be seen. Frowning, Shiro stepped inside to talk to the professor.

“Good afternoon Professor Wilson,” Shiro said politely.

“Ah, good afternoon…Shirogane?” Ms. Wilson guessed. She was a tall skinny woman in her later 30s with blonde hair tied up in a low bun. Even though Shiro had never had her for a teacher, she always smiled warmly at him.

“Yes ma’am, that’s me,” Shiro affirmed.

“What can I do for you?”

“I was wondering how Keith was in class today.”

“He actually didn’t attend today. I got a message from him saying he was feeling under the weather.”

Shiro felt a twinge of inexplicable dread in his stomach. “Oh. I didn’t know that.”

Ms. Wilson tilted her head as she studied Shiro. “Is something wrong? This is the second time you’ve stopped by.” 

Shiro pursed his lips and debated whether or not he should tell her anything. Shiro gave up and sighed. “Well, you know that Keith has…gotten in trouble in the past.” Ms. Wilson nodded and Shiro continued. “He got into a fight again today and is in pretty big trouble this time. I just want to check on him and make sure he’s doing okay.”

“You’ve got a big heart Shirogane. You might try his dorm room then.”

“Thank you ma’am, I’ll do that now.” Ms. Wilson smiled and waved him goodbye as Shiro exited her classroom.

As Shiro made his way to the dorms, he went over in his head what exactly he wanted to say to Keith. He needed to find out what was going on so that they could fix this.

_And hopefully avoid it again in the future,_ Shiro’s mind added.

When Shiro finally made it over to the dorms and up to Keith’s room, he took a deep breath to mentally prepare himself. He then raised a fist and knocked on the door three times. Shiro waited for Keith to answer, but after 30 seconds, Shiro frowned and knocked again.

No answer.

Shiro knocked again. “Keith? You in there? Hey, I know you’re not a fan of this, but we need to talk about some difficult things.” Shiro fell quiet and waited for a response, but there was no reply. “Keith? Hey, I’m coming in, but let me know if you don’t want me to and I won’t. Okay? I’m coming in.” Shiro pressed his hand to the scanner on the wall next to the door and the door slid open. The lights automatically turned on, revealing an empty room.

_Well if he’s not in here then where is he?_ Shiro wondered with growing worry. He was about to shut the door and leave when something on Keith’s desk caught his eye. While it was Shiro’s personal policy to not rifle through anyone else’s belongings, he was willing to make an exception this time. Shiro carefully picked up the mess of papers and notebooks on Keith’s desk, memorizing where each one set so he could put them back in the correct spot later.

When he picked up the last paper, Shiro’s blood ran cold. Sitting buried on the desk was the sketchbook that Shiro had given Keith, but it had been ruined horribly. The cover had been shredded and warped from something that had spilled on it. Pages were falling out and the spiral was badly misshapen. Shiro wasn’t proud to say that his anger spiked at the sight, but it did.

“If you really didn’t want the sketchbook, then why didn’t you just tell me?” Shiro muttered furiously. It felt like a punch to the gut. He thought Keith was really excited about the present like he had been with the gloves, but evidently not. It wasn’t fair, quite frankly. Here Shiro was trying to reach out and get to know Keith and do things for him, and all Keith was interested in doing was burning any olive branch ever offered. Shiro clenched his teeth, trying to keep his emotions in check. He was jumping to conclusions and he knew it, but it was so hard _not_ to.

Shiro grabbed the sketchbook and marched out of Keith’s room. Whatever the hell was going on, Shiro was going to get to the bottom of it.

Shiro managed to catch Keith returning to his dorm after supper. He flinched when Shiro moved toward him, his gaze instantly finding the floor. Shiro spotted a bruise beginning to form on the underside of Keith’s jaw. He also spied a couple of butterfly strips stuck over a cut on Keith’s forehead, just before his bangs covered them.

“We need to talk,” Shiro said simply. Keith didn’t reply and wordlessly followed Shiro. What was normally a short walk back to his apartment was made longer by the awkward silence between them. Usually Shiro would try and make light conversation with Keith, but all of his attention was on figuring out how to best approach the situation. And given the way Keith was hunching in on himself, he knew what it was going to be about too.

When they got to Shiro’s apartment, Shiro opened the door and entered, beckoning for Keith to follow. Shiro noted that Keith seemed even more upset, but he reluctantly stepped inside.

“Take a seat please,” Shiro instructed. Keith hesitated before slowly making his way over to the couch and sitting on the edge.

_Ready to get to his feet,_ Shiro noted. Shiro didn’t know what to make of the knowledge and filed it away for later. Right now, they had more important things to discuss.

“I assume you know what this is about, but I will tell you anyways. Commander Iverson came to me today to inform me that you were in a fight with three other students. Is that true?” Shiro began. Keith nodded and Shiro continued. “Now, you haven’t been in a fight for quite a while, but a fight is still a fight and the Garrison will not overlook this. I understand there is always another side to the story. So, is there anything you want to share?”

Keith kept his eyes on the floor as he shook his head.

“Nothing?” Shiro confirmed in disbelief. “Are you sure there’s nothing you want to say? Because you’re in pretty big trouble this time.” Keith shook his head again, his hands fidgeting in his lap.

“Well, then I guess we can go to the next matter at hand,” Shiro said shortly. He left to retrieve the sketchbook and came back with it in hand. He paused in front of Keith and threw it on the coffee table that separated them. “Care to explain to me what this is?”

Keith instantly froze, his eyes glued to the sketchbook. All fidgeting halted and it looked like he had turned to stone. Keith remained motionless as Shiro waited for a response. Shiro stood there, trying and failing not to assume the worst, but Keith still wasn’t answering. 

“Well?” Shiro demanded, raising his voice. Keith stared down at the mangled sketchbook on the coffee table, unable to tear his eyes away from it. Shiro waited impatiently for Keith to form a response. He did his best to keep a lid on his emotions for Keith’s sake, but he was at his wits end and he had no doubt that it leaked into his body language. And damn, he was trying his hardest not to loom, but it was pretty hard the way Keith was shrinking in on himself.

“I expect a response Keith,” Shiro said shortly. He didn’t miss the way Keith flinched, nor did he miss the way Keith suddenly became very still, stiller than before—if that was even possible.

“I’m sorry,” Keith said in the smallest, quietest voice Shiro ever heard. So quiet in fact, that Shiro wasn’t sure he had heard it. It was a start, Shiro had to admit, but it wasn’t enough to excuse his behavior. First the fight and now the sketchbook, it was not adding up well for Keith. “I’ll go pack my bags.”

Wait.

What?

How did that add up? Sure, Shiro was angry and there would definitely be some consequences for Keith’s actions, but expulsion? Shiro cringed and realized Keith probably already figured out that the Garrison was thinking about kicking him out. Some of Shiro's anger evaporated at that. 

Keith went to rise, but Shiro quickly held up a hand. Keith froze and hesitantly sat back down on the couch.

Shiro gave a deep sigh, trying to process everything before formulating a response. “Keith, you’re not getting expelled,” he said.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to stick your neck out for me,” Keith said quietly, resignation in his voice. He shrunk back in on himself and lowered his voice, “It’d be better for everyone if I got kicked out anyways.”

Despite Shiro’s best intentions to keep his face neutral, he felt his brows furrowing and a frown tugging at the corners of his lips. He studied Keith, trying to read his body language like how Keith could always read his. He could tell that the extra scrutiny was making Keith squirm, but Shiro was having a hard time piecing together Keith’s thought process.

He knew that A) Keith thought he was getting expelled (which the Garrison would be more than happy to do). B) Keith had gotten into another fight (but did Keith start it or was it self-defense?). And C) Keith had been noticeably more withdrawn prior to this (almost as bad as when Shiro had first met him).

But there was a piece of the puzzle Shiro was still missing. He wasn’t sure what it was, but he figured something must have happened to start all of this—something that Shiro still didn’t know about.

_I know Keith doesn’t_ want _to leave, I can see it whenever he flies. He loves piloting. Why would he give that all up? Sure, it’s a little stricter than what he’s used to, but he’s been going here for a while and I thought he adjusted,_ Shiro thought to himself. Shiro knew the silence was making Keith anxious, but he needed to piece this together before he responded. _He said it’d be better for everyone if he left, but better for who?_

_Probably me,_ Shiro thought, answering his own question. _But…that still doesn’t add up—at least to me anyways._ Shiro’s frown deepened when something occurred to him.

_Who else has something to gain with Keith leaving?_ A few teachers of Keith’s came to mind, but none of them vocalized they wanted him downright expelled. But if Shiro had to hazard a guess, he’d bet it had something to do with a certain cadet.

In fact, if he inserted that particular factor in the equation, coupled with Keith’s 180 degree mood change in the last 24 hours, suddenly things were starting to make a lot more sense. Shiro sighed and pulled the coffee table away from the couch. Keith flinched and went about three shades paler, making Shiro pause.

“Sorry, just doing some redecorating, give me a second,” Shiro said. Keith didn’t move and watched Shiro like a hawk as he moved the coffee table. Once it was far enough off to the side to Shiro’s satisfaction, he turned his attention back to Keith. “I’m going to sit down in front of you, okay?” Shiro didn’t know if Keith was going to respond or not, but Shiro wasn’t moving an inch closer unless Keith said so.

To Shiro’s relief, Keith gave a tiny nod. Shiro then slowly walked over and sat down on the floor with his legs crossed. He then invited Keith to do the same. Keith stared at him like a deer caught in headlights, unsure what to do. Shiro reiterated his offer and patted the ground in front of him. Keith hesitantly slid down to the floor, moving slowly like a nervous cat. He also made it a point to sit out of arms reach of Shiro, but Shiro didn’t mind.

Shiro then took another deep breath to collect his thoughts and formulate what he wanted to say. “So, there _are_ unfortunately going to be consequences for the fight today, and they’ll probably be steep, but you _do_ have other options besides expulsion. That being said, you said that it’d be better for everyone if you just left, but is that what _you_ want?” Shiro made it a point to not fully look at Keith, letting him figure it out for himself. “Last time I checked, you _are_ part of everyone, and if I had to guess, you don’t really _want_ to go.”

Keith jerked a little bit at that and Shiro couldn’t help but grin. “I’ve seen the way you pilot. You _love_ flying, more than anything else. I see the way your eyes light up whenever we do extra simulator training or go ride on the hoverbikes. Which is why I’m having a hard time understanding why you would want to give that all up,” Shiro continued.

Keith didn’t reply and Shiro risked a glance. He had his legs drawn up and was hugging his knees, his bangs hiding his eyes. Shiro pursed his lips and continued, his voice softening this time. “Keith, I know you don’t trust me, and that’s okay. But I made myself two promises the day after your first fight. Do you know what those are?” Keith shook his head, and Shiro answered. “One, that I would never give up on you, and two, that I would always try to understand before I jumped to conclusions.”

Shiro was silent a moment, letting his words sink in before he continued. “But, I can’t understand if you don’t help me. Help me help you. Keith, I _want_ to help and I—”

“Why?” Keith demanded suddenly. The word came out sharp, lined with serrated edges, and instantly cut through the conversation.

“Why would you wanna help me?” Keith continued when Shiro didn’t respond. Keith jumped to his feet. “I just fuck up everything everywhere I go. I’m more trouble than I’m worth and you know it. So I can’t understand why for the _life of me_ you keep sticking up for me when I’m clearly not worth it.” Keith’s voice got louder throughout the sentence, getting more and more upset with each word he spoke. He was positively _glaring_ at Shiro by the end of it, his fists shaking slightly from his emotions. 

“Why do you think you’re so undeserving of help?” Shiro asked calmly. He watched as a range of emotions flickered across Keith’s face. It wasn’t easy telling them apart from his usual angry look—just a twitch of an eyebrow here and quip of his mouth there. Gears were turning in Keith’s head as he tried to process Shiro’s words.

“We all get knocked off our feet every once and while, that’s just a part of life,” Shiro began. “Sometimes it happens more frequently to someone than others, but that’s a part of life too. Some of us can get back up and dust ourselves off no problem. But sometimes it’s nice to have someone pull you back up when you need it.

“With all of the students I have recruited for the Galaxy Garrison over the past few years, it has been my policy to not help them once they get in. After they learn the ropes and get the feel for things, I take a step back and let them figure it out for themselves.” Shiro looked up at Keith. “I knew when I recruited you that you had talent Keith. I did what I normally did with recruits and let you get a feel for things on your own. But I could tell you were struggling, and needed something more than just a Garrison education.” Keith’s defensive posture had relaxed while Shiro talked, but Shiro could tell he was still on guard.

Shiro then gave a low chuckle and shook his head. “You didn’t trust me at first. Not one bit. I wouldn’t either if I was in your position. Overtime though, you gradually warmed up to me and I grew to enjoy getting to know the Keith underneath.” Shiro suddenly looked up at Keith, unable to hide his fierce expression that he knew he was wearing. “But it’s more than that. I will stick my neck out for you as many times as it takes so you can stay here. I would be incredibly sadden if you left, Keith, and I know you would be too. Believe me when I say it: I am never giving up on you.”

With his monologue finished, Shiro watched Keith intently for a reaction, waiting to see what his response would be—if he responded at all. What Shiro didn’t expect to see was Keith trembling where he stood, his hands balled into fists and his shoulders tense. Shiro tried to gauge Keith’s reaction, but the only warning he got was a single sniff before Keith practically launched himself at Shiro. Shiro grunted from the impact and threw his hands back to brace himself to keep himself from falling over. To his surprise, Keith had wrapped his arms around Shiro’s torso, clutching him tightly as if he was afraid Shiro would disappear. Keith had his head buried in Shiro’s chest and his whole body shook, the trembles coming in waves.

Shiro overcame his shock and wrapped his arms around Keith, pulling him in closer. “Oh Keith,” he said.

“Please don’t make me leave,” Keith whimpered into Shiro’s jacket.

“I won’t. As long as I’m here, I’ll make sure you never leave, even if you wanted to.” Shiro had meant it as a joke, but it only seemed to make Keith cry harder. “Shhh, it’s okay, it’s okay. I’m not going anywhere, I promise, it’s okay,” Shiro soothed. At some point he had started rocking Keith back and forth. Shiro could feel Keith’s whole body shake as tremors ran through him. Shiro ran his fingers through Keith’s long dark locks, trying his best to calm him down. Keith made a choked garbled noise and clutched Shiro like a lifeline, his nails digging down through the uniform and pricking Shiro’s skin, but it hardly mattered. Shiro’s entire attention was focused on Keith, doing his best to try and soothe him even though Shiro had no idea what he was doing. He had never seen Keith this upset and couldn’t fathom what brought this on.

_Later,_ Shiro reminded himself.

“Hey, I know you’re upset and scared, but it’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to not be okay, but Keith? You’re such an amazing pilot and talented person, even though you don’t see it. And don’t ever feel like you have to weather what’s bothering you by yourself, you can tell me. I won’t get mad or upset and I’ll try my damned hardest to understand, and I may not understand right now, but that’s okay, because I’m here for you regardless,” Shiro continued. Keith nodded against his chest, but it didn’t do anything to stop the tears. Shiro sighed and hugged him tighter, silently vowing to himself to never let go.

Shiro had no idea how long they sat there on the floor, but it seemed Keith wasn’t going to calm down any time soon. So Shiro continued to rock them back and forth, carding his fingers through Keith’s hair or gently rubbing up and down Keith’s back. Sometime along the way Shiro’s phone buzzed a few times, but he ignored it. All that mattered was comforting Keith.

At one point, the door to his apartment opened and Adam walked in, but Shiro vigorously shook his head no when he spotted him. Adam froze, quietly observing the scene with wide eyes.

“I’ll come back later,” Adam mouthed and left.

Some time later, Keith managed to calm down some, but he was still sniffling a lot and tears still rolled down his cheeks. His vice-like grip on Shiro’s uniform relaxed and he pulled away to wipe his nose on his sleeve. Keith winced when he spotted the large wet spot on Shiro’s jacket.

“S-sorry ‘bout your-your jacket,” Keith hiccupped.

“Don’t worry, it’ll dry. Besides, I think that was much needed, don’t you agree?” Shiro said. Keith gave a noncommittal shrug and kept his gaze on his lap, his eyes hidden by his bangs. Shiro studied Keith for a second, trying to get a gauge on how to best proceed. “Do you want to tell me what’s going on? It’s okay if you don’t want to, I won’t push, but I can’t help if you don’t tell me.”

Keith was silent for a long time, save for his lingering sniffles as he debated whether or not to tell Shiro. Finally, Keith opened his mouth. “I…” Keith’s voice cracked and he cleared his throat. “Some other kids stole the sketchbook and—and ruined it,” he said, barely a whisper. Shiro pursed his lips and bit his tongue to keep him from saying something he’d regret. Rage boiled under his skin, but he kept it in check for Keith’s sake. Keith fell quiet again as he decided how much he wanted to tell Shiro.

“And I worried that—…that you’d be angry with me…and I’d…I’d get kicked out of the Garrison,” Keith continued quietly.

“So when I was upset with you…” Shiro started hesitantly.

“…Yeah. I assumed the worst and overreacted, as usual.”

Shiro noticed the bitterness in Keith’s voice that crept in at the end. Shiro thought long and hard before he gave a deep breath and spoke. “Maybe you did. Maybe you didn’t. But it’s obviously a big deal if it upset you so much.”

“No it’s not, I just—”

“Yes it is. Maybe they’re all little things that added up and became too much, or maybe they’re bigger things, but you couldn’t handle the stress anymore and broke—and that’s okay. No one is going to punish you for that. It’s okay not to be okay. And I’m not mad about the sketchbook, but I wish you would have told me what was going on sooner. But late is better than never, and I’m glad you _did_ tell me.

“And Keith?” Keith reluctantly looked up at Shiro and he gave him his warmest smile. “You are so brave and strong. You are a good person, don’t let anyone else ever tell you differently, okay?”

Keith’s gaze fell back to his lap, “Okay.” Shiro debated whether he should say more or not and how to best proceed after this, but he was pulled from his thoughts when Keith latched back onto Shiro. Keith wrapped his arms around Shiro’s torso again, squeezing as tightly as he could. Shiro was temporarily stunned by the sudden affection again, but he didn’t hesitate to return it and wrapped Keith in a huge bear hug. 

“Thank you—for caring. I just—” Keith mumbled into Shiro’s chest.

Shiro grinned. “Always.”

They sat there for a while again, neither of them saying anything. Shiro didn’t know how long they were there, but it was long enough that Shiro’s legs began to tingle from Keith’s weight, but he didn’t care. He wasn’t moving no matter what.

While they sat there, Shiro turned over this new information in his head while absentmindedly rubbing up and down Keith’s back. Shiro could tell every time when Keith was on the verge of tears again, but Keith stubbornly tried to swallow them down each time. He was maybe successful half of the time, but Shiro never once judged him for it. He had already learned that lesson when he assumed that Keith was the one who ruined the sketchbook. Shiro hoped that this incident wouldn’t send them back even further, but he was optimistic that if anything, it would strengthen their relationship.

Unfortunately, there was still the matter of the perpetrator(s) of the ruined sketchbook. Shiro knew that he would have to wait before Keith was ready to talk about that. His biggest hope now is that this would be enough evidence to convince Commander Iverson and the other Garrison higher-ups that Keith was partially (or maybe fully?) innocent.

Eventually, when Keith had calmed down enough that there was a long streak of just sniffles, Shiro decided to ask.

“Hey bud, I know you’re not super thrilled right now, but I need to know who ruined your sketchbook,” Shiro announced softly. Keith pulled away a little, but kept his head down, his bangs covering his no doubt red eyes. Shiro kept his hands on Keith’s shoulders as a reassurance, but watched for any signs that Keith was uncomfortable.

“Does it really matter?” Keith asked in a small voice.

Shiro sighed. “Yeah, it does,” he said quietly.

“Why?”

“One, because it’s destruction of personal property, and two, if we don’t address it now and discipline the other students, then it gives them permission to do it again, and I don’t want that happening as much as you do.”

Keith was quiet, save for the lingering sniffles, as he thought this over. His hands came up to rub his eyes and he slowly looked up at Shiro. Shiro finally got a good look at his face and was surprised by the worry in his red-rimmed eyes. It was faint, but it was still there, plain as day.

“Won’t I just get in trouble too?” Keith whispered.

Shiro pursed his lips, unsure how to answer that. “For the sketchbook? No, you will not get in trouble. For the fight? Well, there will probably be some consequences with that one, unfortunately. But, we might be able to lessen those consequences if we know who ruined your sketchbook.”

Keith didn’t answer right away and Shiro waited for him to weigh his decision. Shiro was starting to piece together the dilemma that Keith was sorting through, but Shiro knew there were other factors at play that he had no idea about.

“Did you really think I was the one who ruined it?” Keith wondered quietly.

Shiro blinked. That was not the response he was expecting. Shiro could easily recall the anger that had coursed through him when he first found the sketchbook and grimaced, guilt curdling in his stomach again. _Well, there’s no point in lying to him. That’ll do more harm than good._ Shiro gave another sigh. “When I came across your sketchbook when you weren’t in your room, I had just learned that you were in a fight. Yes, I thought you were the one who ruined it, but I couldn’t understand why and I was angry. But Keith? I’m sorry for that. I am so sorry. It was wrong of me, and it wasn’t fair to you.”

“Did you even _look_ in it?” Keith questioned, slightly indignant. There was an edge to his voice that previously wasn’t there. Shiro’s brows furrowed, trying to recall if he looked in the sketchbook or not, but the longer he thought about it, the more he realized that he didn’t. 

“I…don’t believe I did,” Shiro admitted. Keith snorted and suddenly jumped up from Shiro’s lap. He strode over to the coffee table were the sketchbook still laid and grabbed it. Keith then plopped the sketchbook in Shiro’s lap and crossed his arms expectantly.

Shiro let his gaze fall to the tattered sketchbook and carefully opened the shredded cover. The guilt that had been quietly simmering in his stomach suddenly surge through him as he read the nasty note that had been scrawled over the top of his own.

“Keith…” Shiro breathed, his stomach churning. “This…this is…” _This is so wrong on so many levels. Who would_ write _such a thing?_ Shiro thought with growing horror. “Keith…who did this?”

Keith’s defensive posture went away again as he averted his eyes and hunched his shoulders. “No one’s going to believe me. It’s my word against theirs.”

Shiro didn’t reply and quietly turned the page. The next one was an even bigger punch to the gut. The page had been scribbled all over with some sort of marker (probably permanent) and then something had been spilled on it to make it run, effectively ruining the drawing underneath. Shiro had a hard time trying to make out Keith’s drawing, but if he had to guess, it looked like the landscape surrounding the Garrison. Flipping through the sketchbook revealed that all of the pages had received similar treatment, but they went through the entire book, not just the ones that had drawings on them.

Shiro gnawed on his lip the whole time as he inspected the sketchbook. The grief and guilt he was feeling probably paled in comparison to what Keith must have felt. Shiro was definitely no artist and struggled even with stick people, but he knew what it was like to put a lot of hard work into something, only to have it ruined. Shiro flipped back to the nasty note at the front and reread it again.

“Keith, this is…this is a threat,” Shiro said quietly. Shiro took a deep breath and looked up at Keith. “Please, I need to know who did this.”

Now it was Keith’s turn to purse his lips and his eyes darted to the side. For a long time he was silent, and Shiro wondered if he was even going to answer.

"Keith...please," Shiro pressed gently.

Keith stared down at Shiro, trying and failing to hid his uncertainty. Finally he sighed in defeat. “Fine, it was Griffin.”

Another round of anger welled up inside of Shiro, but he shoved it aside and stood. Shiro set the sketchbook down and opened his arms. “Come on, you look like you need another hug,” Shiro said. Keith bit his lip, but he eventually gave in and accepted the hug. “Thank you for telling me. It was probably a little scary, but it’ll be better in the long run. I promise.” Keith didn’t reply and Shiro suddenly thought of something and grinned. “Say, how ‘bout some ice cream?”

That elicited a small chuckle from Keith. “Sure.”

It was about a week later after the crying incident in Shiro’s apartment, and Keith was just fine never speaking about it again. Shiro seemed to sense this and didn’t bombard him with questions. However, Shiro _had_ questioned him about the perpetrator of the ruined sketchbook, not budging until Keith gave him a name. Keith had been rather reluctant to tell Shiro and worried that it would only make things worse instead of better, but eventually Keith caved and told him.

To Keith’s surprise, nothing happened to him. Other than a week of detention for the fight, nothing happened. Stranger still, James left him alone more than usual, but Keith had learned not to question these things and just accepted it. Keith was still a little wary around Shiro, but he was more comfortable around him after that.

One day when Keith had returned to his dorm room after classes were done for the day, he instantly noticed another wrapped box sitting on his desk. Curious, Keith sat down and tore the paper off, revealing another plain white box. But when Keith opened the box, he was surprised to see another sketchbook in it—the exact style of the one he had before. When he opened the cover, there was another note written inside it.

_Keith,_

_You are stronger than you know and braver than you think. You are one of the most wonderful people I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing—and a damn good pilot if I do say so myself. While you can be stubborn, sarcastic, and sometimes standoffish, that’s okay. But it also means you’re resilient, brilliant, and caring once you warm up to someone. That’s what makes you, you. Never change who you are._

_I’m always here for you (even if you don’t want me),_

_Shiro_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay tuned for another Keith Needs Hug fic. The next one won't be as angsty, but still good. I also think I'm going to add the What Happens on a Space Whale to this series--if I can figure out how to do that that is...

**Author's Note:**

> I fully support the headcanon that Keith is actually a really good artist. 
> 
> And I tried to be accurate with the plant phyla, but my memory's foggy on the information and I didn't feel like looking it up, so...
> 
> *45 feet = roughly 14 meters


End file.
